Dark Light
by MetalMusicMania
Summary: Castiel is struggling to be a human after the Angel's fall. Pretty dark story that has a lighter ending (hence the title). Also has a surprise character in the end! *Trigger warnings inside!* Never been good with summaries but hopefully you'll give it a try. This is my second SPN Fanfiction so give me a break, at least I tried to keep the characters as true to the show as possible.


**_A/N: I had a dream one night, and this is the poor attempt I made at trying to transfer it into a story. This is only my second Supernatural Fanfiction so if the characters are a _****_little OOC I apologize, I just felt the need to share it. So enjoy it for what it is._**

**_*TRIGGER WARNINGS*: Mentions of self harm/Suicide, Explicit content (M/M)._**

**_I took the title of this story from a H.I.M song that shares the same title. I recommend giving it a listen, its a wonderful song. _**

**_Last but not least I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters, just the story itself. _**

* * *

_**Dark Light**_

It had been six months since the Angels had fallen from Heaven and Castiel had found his way back to the bunker newly human and frankly, terrified. Castiel was not used to having human needs, let alone feeling human pains/emotions and he was at a loss for how to make it through normal daily routines. To make it short and sweet, Castiel hated being human. Sam and Dean had tried to make Castiel as comfortable as they could, and had even tried showing Castiel all of the things that came along with being a human such as cooking, shaving, bathing, and even how to handle all manner of weapons correctly. Although Castiel had accepted their help with zero complaints, he had felt that something was wrong with him, not physically, but something much deeper that he couldn't understand yet. He had started withdrawing from spending time with the Winchester brothers in favor of staying locked up in his room, had declined food on multiple occasions, had found himself on the verge of tears at every moment, and had even started taking up a new, dark hobby.

One day when Castiel had been shaving he had slipped and cut himself. He realized that feeling the pain from the razor had brought him some relief from the strange, dark feelings inside of himself. He had realized that this was something that wasn't part of the normal human routine, that it was something meant to be kept secretive, even from Sam and Dean. He had started experimenting with small, shallow cuts at first on different parts of his body, and that had worked for a short amount of time before it still wasn't enough to quell the darkness settling around Castiel's heart. The cuts became more frequent, and much more deeper all over his body and Castiel began to realize he was playing a dangerous game, one that the Winchester's could find out about at any time now. Even though he knew this, he couldn't bring himself to stop. The thrill of possibly being caught made Castiel more excited to engage in his extracurricular activities.

That is, until Dean had caught him red handed. Castiel had been unaware of it, but the Winchester's had become increasingly concerned with Castiel's behavior as the months had gone by. The more Castiel had withdrawn from their presence, the more they noticed something was wrong with the former Angel. As Castiel had abruptly excused himself from the bunker library for the evening (which he had done a lot more excessively as of late), Dean and Sam had looked at each other with deep scowls on their faces. "Something is wrong with Cas." Sam said looking at Dean, his eyebrows scrunched all the way down. "Yeah, I noticed." Dean had answered back, shaking his head slightly. "Why don't you go and try to talk to him Dean, see what's going on with him. He hasn't been the same since... Well, you know. He's more likely to talk to you than he is to me, we both know that. You know this has to be extremely difficult for him, and he needs us, you especially. You two have always had this connection that Cas and I just don't share." Dean had closed his eyes and grasped the bridge of his nose, sighing slightly as he rose from the table. "Alright, Sam. No need to get all chick-flicky on me, I'll go talk to him and see why he's acting all weird." With that, Dean had made his way to Castiel's bedroom. But when he knocked on the door and there was no answer, he checked the knob and realized it was unlocked and opened the door just wide enough to poke his head in. "Cas, you in here?" The room was dark and Dean received no answer back. When he flipped the light on and found the room empty he almost panicked, until he heard some faint noise coming from the bathroom.

Dean walked quietly up to the door and had placed his ear against it, listening to what was going on in the room. The only noise coming from the room was the echo of music playing just loud enough to be heard outside the door. _'Show me how it ends, it's alright. Show me how defenseless you really are, satisfied and empty inside. That's alright, let's give this another try'_ Dean knocked on the door and called out "Cas, you in there?" He could hear a sharp intake of breath and a gasped ouch from inside the room, followed by the clatter of some metal on the floor. "Cas, are you ok?" Dean had asked before placing his hand on the doorknob, ready to rush in if he was in trouble. Castiel had frozen after the razor blade had hit the floor, unsure of what to do next. He knew he should say something, anything to keep Dean from coming in the room, but he just couldn't get his vocal chords to work. Dean spoke up "Cas!? I'm coming in." And with that he had opened the door, and as his foot stepped into the bathroom he stopped immediately, frozen in place by what he had saw. Castiel was standing there, his shirt was off and blood was everywhere on his body, some was even dripping onto the clean white tile of the bathroom floor. Dean's eyes were wide as he looked down Castiel's entire body, and then his eyes locked onto the razor blade laying in the floor and they narrowed almost to slits. "Cas, what the fuck is this!" Dean had wailed. Castiel had shrank from Dean's voice and he turned away, frightened and ashamed by what had just happened. Dean ran quickly to Castiel and grabbed his shoulders, turning him so that they were face to face. Dean looked over Castiel's body and examined the cuts. Some were very deep, and a few were shallow. But what disturbed Dean the most was that Castiel had hundreds of scars all over his body in all manner of shapes and sizes. When he looked up at Castiel's face he noticed that he was looking at the ground, refusing to make any type of eye contact with him.

"Cas" Dean spoke, making sure that his voice was soft and undemanding. When Castiel refused to make eye contact with him, Dean sighed and reached out to touch his shoulder. Cas flinched violently from the touch and Dean's eyes flew open wide in shock, his mouth dropping open so quickly his jaw bone cracked. When Castiel finally decided to look up at Dean he gasped loudly as he realized that Castiel was crying, his bottom lip quivering as he tried to keep from breaking down completely and sobbing. Before Dean could speak up to comfort him, Sam's hurried footsteps could be heard near the door. "Dean is everything ok in here, I heard you yelli..." Sam's voice stopped completely as he stepped into the room and his eyes locked on Castiel. He looked from Dean's face to Castiel's body and back again, unsure of what to say or do. Castiel was worrying his bottom lip in his teeth, and his whole body was shaking. Dean spoke up to break the extremely awkward silence, "Sam, go get the first aid kit and meet us in the library, we have to get Cas cleaned up." Sam nodded without another word and left the bathroom. Dean stepped past Castiel and opened the closet door to get out a wash cloth. He turned on the water faucet and placed the cloth under it, making sure the water was nice and warm. once it was wet, he grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him gently behind him towards the library. Before they breached the door to the bathroom Castiel stopped for a moment and refused to move. Dean stopped walking and turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. "I... I'm sorry, Dean." Cas whispered almost inaudibly. Dean furrowed his brows and shook his head lightly. "Don't apologize, Cas. I should have taken better care of you." With that he began walking again, gently pulling Castiel behind him.

As the brothers worked on getting Castiel cleaned up, Dean was cursing himself mentally. Over and over he kept asking himself,_ 'Why didn't I check on Cas earlier?' 'Why did I let it get this far?' 'How did I not know Cas was hurting this bad.' 'Why couldn't I protect him from this? He has to hate me for letting him feel like this without even trying to fix it.'_ "Dean?" Sam's voice barely cut through the fog of self hate. "Dean!" Sam elbowed Dean in the side and he dropped the rag he was using to wipe Castiel off with. "Damnit Sam, what!" Dean yelled back, irritated with his little brother for interrupting his inner monologue of hate. "I asked you three times for the peroxide and alcohol, and you just sat there like a freaking knot on a log." "Sorry." Dean grumbled and handed him the bottles before getting back to work on Castiel's torso. As the Winchester's worked Castiel never made a move, let alone a sound. He was fighting a whirlwind of emotions that were descending him deeper into depression, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was terrified, but he didn't think he could bring himself to talk to the Winchester's about it, especially after what had just happened with Dean in the bathroom. He knew without a doubt that Dean was furious with him, that he was disgusted at the mere sight of him and he wanted nothing more than to get up and run, run as far away as he could so that Dean wouldn't have to look at him anymore. He had known that his feelings for Dean were more than just the brotherly love that he had felt for Sam. He also knew that there was no way in Hell that Dean would ever feel the same way about him, and it was this thought that also helped to throw him even further into his depression. His stomach twisted and rolled, all he wanted was for this to be over so that he could retreat into his room where he could hide forever.

When Sam and Dean had finished cleaning up Castiel's wounds Sam stood up and gathered all of the first aid supplies and went back to the supply room to put them away. Castiel had stood and began retreating back to his room. Before he made it to the library door, Dean's voice called to him. "Cas... I know all of this has been really hard on you, but you should have said something to me or Sam. What you did... You shouldn't have done that Cas, you... you could have..." Castiel had been facing away from Dean, but as he heard the hunter stumbling over his words he turned to look at him. Dean was struggling with what he was trying to say, his face was getting redder and his eyes were glassy as he stared at a spot on the floor. Castiel mistook the look for anger and averted his gaze immediately. "I am sorry that I have caused you any discomfort Dean. It wasn't my intention to cause you or Sam any distress. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Thank you, for helping me get cleaned up." Before Dean could speak again Castiel had made his way out of the library and into his room, where he had laid on his bed and cried silently until morning. When Sam had came back into the library he looked around for Castiel and when he didn't see him he questioned Dean as to his whereabouts. "He's in his room." Dean answered gruffly, taking a long drink from the beer he had grabbed out of the kitchen. "I can't believe we didnt know Cas was up to something like that before now. By the looks of his body he has been doing this for some time." Sam had said while running his fingers through his hair. Dean just nodded and took another long sip from his beer, unsure that he could reply without giving away the fact that he had been terrified about finding Castiel like that. Dean had been warring over his feelings for Castiel for a long time, years in fact. The idea that Castiel was hurting and that Dean had done nothing to help, Hell he hadn't even noticed that Castiel was hurting as bad as he was made him hate himself that much more. He didn't think he could forgive himself for letting Castiel down. "Dean-" "Don't Sam. Just don't. I already feel bad enough about this. I will do better by Cas, WE will do better by Cas. Starting tomorrow we will start taking better care of Cas, and we can make sure something like this never happens to him again." Sam lowered his head and nodded. He knew the conversation was over, and that point was emphasized when Dean stood from the table and walked to his bedroom without another word, his door clicking shut softly behind him.

As the Winchester's were finishing up their conversation about taking better care of the former Angel from now on Castiel was laying on his bed, his pillow saturated with silent tears. His mind wandered aimlessly, he had lost the only way that he could cope with being a weak, pathetic, useless human. What was he going to do now? Now that Sam and Dean had found out about his extracurricular activities there was no way they would allow him to be alone like that anymore, at least for the forseeable future. He cursed himself over and over for his stupidity._ 'I should have locked the damn bathroom door, and none of this would be happening.'_ Castiel thought of other ways that he could make his internal pain go away, and then an idea occured to him. A very simple idea. He just had to play the waiting game, wait for the Winchester's to let their guards down so that he could finally free himself from this never ending misery.

The next day had been pretty awkward, to say the least. Castiel had tried to avoid the Winchester's at all costs, but he knew that he couldn't avoid them forever. He needed to let them know that he was doing better somehow, no matter how much of a lie that was. He could do this. He could make himself happy during the day, and he could let everything go at night in his bedroom with no one around to know. And Castiel's plan had worked. The first two weeks after Dean had caught Castiel cutting in the bathroom had been hard, not just for Castiel but the Winchester's as well. Castiel did his best to try and change his behaviors to fit that of a normal human being during the hours of the day, and when the evenings rolled around and he could excuse himself from Sam and Dean under the guise of feeling tired and slip away to his bedroom, where he would cry every single night until he slipped into a fitful sleep, or until the morning came. After the sixth week of Castiel's "recovery", Sam and Dean had become a little more relaxed with him. Apparently they were extremely pleased with how well the former Angel was adjusting, anytime they would engage Castiel in conversation he was able to keep it going, and seemed genuienly interested in whatever Sam and Dean wanted to talk about. He was also engaging in more activities around the bunker, he had even made his way to the garage on a few occasions to watch Dean work on Baby and some of the other vehicles in thier possession. And on those occasions, Castiel would crack open a beer or two with Dean and they would just sit in a comfortable silence just enjoying each other's presences. By the middle of the seventh week, Castiel had made his mind up. The weekend was just three days away, and when Saturday approached he would bring his plan to light. The Winchester's were oblivious to it all.

Saturday had been one of the best days Dean had had in a long time. He had spent most of the whole day with Castiel while Sam had been out on a simple hunt. Jody had called Friday morning and let them in on a case not too far from where she lived, and had asked for thier help with it. Sam had agreed immediately and had said that he would be there as soon as he could. After he had packed all of his things he had met Dean in the library. "Jody called me about a case. Im going to go give her a hand with it. Why don't you stay here with Cas so he won't be alone. It's an easy case, and I probably won't be gone but for a few days. It'll be good for Cas to have someone here with him, and besides you took the last case we had so I get this one." Sam was prepared for Dean to argue with him, but he was acutely shocked when Dean had shrugged his shoulders and said "Alright, Sammy. Tell Jody I said Hi, and be careful... Both of you." They had given each other a short hug and Sam had went on his way. Dean had called for Cas and when he arrived in the library Dean had asked him if he wanted to order some pizza and have a movie evening. Castiel had agreed, and they had picked up the food, a half mushroom and half all meats pizza (and a nice twelve pack of beer to go along with it). Then they had settled in on the soft leather couch in the self proclaimed "man cave" Dean had constructed out of one of the large empty rooms in the bunker, and set out to watch their movie marathon. They had eaten in companionable silence and had enjoyed the movies (Dean had decided on a triology of extremely cheesy 80's horror movies titled Basket Case) and when the final credits on the last movie rolled, Castiel had yawned into the crook of his arm. Dean had looked at his watch and chuckled a little. The watch read that it was closing in on midnight, and it was as if looking at the watch brought about his own yawning spell. He clapped Castiel on the back and said "It is getting pretty late, maybe we should pack it in for the night, all that pizza and beer has made me feel sluggish." Castiel had looked up at him and snorted out a small laugh "After eating five pieces of pizza and drinking more than half the beers I'm surprised you didn't fall asleep during the movies, Dean." Dean had rolled his eyes at that and scoffed "Yeah, yeah Cas very subtle of you." But there was humor in his voice as he stood up from the couch and stretched hearing all the bones in his body crack at once. Castiel followed behind him and before Dean closed his door he turned and looked at the fallen Angel. "Night, Cas." He said with a small smile on his face. "Goodnight, Dean." Castiel had said back to Dean, and as he turned to walk to his own room he couldn't help but think that his last sentence to Dean was eerily almost exactly the same as what he was thinking in his head... _-Goodbye, Dean.-_

Castiel had waited in his room until a little past two a.m. to make sure that Dean was fully asleep before he attempted to go along with his plan. As he tiptoed past the hunter's closed door he could hear the soft, steady snores coming from inside and he continued on toward the entrance of the bunker. Before he got to the steps he went to the large table in the war room and groped under it, his hand finally coming into contact with what he was looking for. He pulled the gun from the holster attached to the bottom of the table and placed it in the pocket of his pajama pants. He ascended the stairs to the entrance of the bunker slowly, almost methodically. when he reached the top of the steps he grasped the door handle and turned it gently, pushing the door open as slowly as possible to make sure it didn't screech and alert Dean. Once he made it outside he stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, he hadn't realized that he had been holding it in since he had started walking up the steps to the bunker's entrance. He started to walk behind the bunker, on into the woods where he was sure that he wouldn't be found (at least until it was too late to do anything about it, that is) and when he had walked far enough to appease himself he found that he was standing beside a small stream aligned with some large rocks. He sat himself on one of the larger rocks and pulled his phone out of his pocket, then the gun. He placed the phone and the gun on the rock beside him and sat quietly for a few moments, and for the first time in almost a year he felt utter contentment. Castiel thought for a moment that this was a strange thing to be feeling, especially when he was right on the cusp of committing suicide but in that moment he found that he didn't really care. In fact, nothing would matter and he wouldn't care about anything here in the very near future so he took the time to enjoy this small window of quiet stillness before he was consumed by eternal darkness. Forever.

Dean had fallen asleep rather quickly, in fact he had fell into a deep sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. However this wasn't a peaceful sleep, in fact it had quickly turned into what Dean had thought was a nightmare, that had turned out to be a sort of prophecy that he had to keep from happening. As he quickly fell into a deep sleep he had heard a voice calling to him, "Dean! You have to stop him! Dean, there isn't any time to waste! If you don't hurry this is going to be the outcome... You HAVE to stop it!" As soon as the words were said a dream-esque image arose, and Dean had known that he was not looking through his own eyes. He knew this because he could see his form walking in front of whomever's eyes he was peering out of. Then he realized as he heard the words who he was looking through. "Night, Cas." "Goodnight, Dean." He heard Castiel say, and a wave of heart wrenching sadness flowed through his (Castiel's) body. Dean's sleep was becoming very fitful and he was starting to break out in a profuse sweat. He could feel everything that Castiel was feeling, and it was torturous. He watched through Castiel's eyes as he snuck past his bedroom, and was filled with utter terror when he watched Castiel reach under the table in the War Room and grab the gun.

At this point, Dean was shaking violently in his sleep, his clothes and bedding dreanched in sweat. He had started groaning out in his sleep, mumbling incoherent sentences and uttering the word no over and over. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, and he did not want to see the end of this dream, or warning, or whatever the hell it was. Still the vision went on and he was navigated through the forest behind the bunker to a stream, where Castiel had sat and placed his phone and the gun on the large rock beside him. He could see Castiel looking through his phone where he picked out some music and then placed the device back on the rock. Castiel listened intently to the music, and as the song faded out to nothing Castiel reached up to his face and wiped the everflowing tears from his face. Still sniffling softly, Castiel picked up the gun and turned it over in his hands a few times. Dean watched as Castiel checked the gun over to make sure it was loaded and ready to fire. Once he knew that it was ready to do it's job, Castiel placed the gun to his temple and closed his eyes tightly gasping for air as he tried to find the courage to pull the trigger. Dean could hear Castiel talking to himself degradingly, and had he been awake he would have vomited profusely. "You weak, pathetic sack of shit... Just pull the trigger damn it... They will be so much better off without me... I don't want to hurt Dean anymore... I love him... I'm so sorry, Dean... I'm so sorry." And when that last word left his mouth he waited long enough for a sob to leave his throat before pulling the trigger, then Dean was thrown into instant darkness.

He sat up screaming. He screamed and he screamed until his voice almost gave out, the word no becoming unintelligible. Without wasting any time at all Dean jumped from the bed and threw his shoes on, he grabbed the doorknob to his bedroom door and threw it open with so much force the door slammed against the wall and then slammed back shut behind him. He took off running as fast as he could, only stopping at the War Room table long enough to run his hand quickly over the underside and when he felt the holster was empty his heart turned icy cold and his eyes bulged in panic. He took the stairs to the entrance of the bunker two at a time and slammed into the door, shoving it open and taking off in a dead run again not even bothering to close the door behind him. Dean was gasping with the effort of running full force in full panic mode but he didn't dare slow his pace, he knew that time wasn't on his side and that if he wasted even a second Castiel could go through with whatever he was planning and he would be too late. He ran faster than he had ever ran before as he followed the path he had seen Castiel take through his warning dream, and as he got closer to the former Angel he could hear the music faintly playing from his cell phone._ 'God help me I've come undone, out of the light of the sun. I can feel you falling away, no longer the lost, no longer the same. And I can see you starting to break, I'll keep you alive if you show me the way. Forever, and ever the scars will remain.'_ Dean pushed himself even harder, trying to reach Castiel before the song ended and he lost him forever. "CAS!" He screamed as he came into view of the former Angel. Castiel started violently and jumped up from the rock, almost falling down from the quick movements. His eyes were huge and bulging from their sockets, the look of disbelief all over his face. Dean stopped running a few feet from Castiel and just stood there trying to catch his breath from overexerting himself. Castiel was trembling all over, his eyes never meeting Dean's face. Before Dean could say anything Castiel let out a heart wrenching sob and dropped to his knees, slapping his hands to his face to hide his shame, embarrassment, and tears.

Dean stared at Castiel for a few moments, his heart racing so fast that he thought it would burst from his chest. He had made it just in the nick of time; the song was just finishing up as he screamed out Castiel's name. He brought his hands up to his face and scrubbed at it quickly before running his hands roughly through his hair. Though he tried to keep it from happening, a tear made it's way down his cheek. It was followed by another, and then another until his face was littered with tear tracks. "Cas." He spoke brokenly, the plead for him to look up at him dripping from the single word. Castiel raised his head up and looked at Dean, his eyes deeply red from the tears he couldn't stop. "Cas... My GOD, Cas what... What the hell were you thinking? Why would you even think about doing that to me... To Sam? If I hadn't made it out here, and you had done that to yourself I would have never forgiven myself Cas. NEVER do that again, do you hear me? NEVER! I wouldn't be able to bear it if I lost you Cas." Dean dropped to his knees beside Castiel and grabbed him by the shoulders. Castiel looked him in the eyes and swallowed before he licked his lips and replied, "Dean... I'm sorry. I never wanted to do anything to hurt you, I just didn't know any other way to make this pain, emptiness, and complete worthlessness I feel go away. Now I see that I have brought you pain as well, and I regret that the most. I don't know what to do, Dean. Please help me... Help me, I'm so lost. I need you." Dean's eyes widened for a moment and then softened as he pulled Castiel into a hug that lasted for quite a while as they both finished letting out a few tears. Dean pulled back and patted Castiel on the shoulder, "C'mon Cas, lets get you back to the bunker and then we can start working on how to help you." He stood up and held his hands out to the Former Angel. Castiel looked up at him and nodded, taking both of his hands and pulling himself up to stand next to the hunter.

Silence permeated the air between them as they made the trek back to the bunker, and Dean was actually grateful for that. He didn't know how to even begin to address what had just happened. As his mind was able to finally process things he began to wonder 'Who came to me in my sleep and warned me about this?' 'It doesn't even really fucking matter Dean, all that matters is they were able to get you to stop it from happening.' 'What the fuck would I have done if I had found Cas laying by that stream, devoid of life?' 'You would have fucking lost your mind, that's what you would have done.' As they reached the bunker door Dean looked down and realized that on their walk back he had grabbed Castiel's hand in his and had it in a death grip, they were both visibly trembling, both on the verge of breaking completely. When Dean closed the bunker door behind him his legs gave out completely and he fell to the floor, Castiel following right behind him. Dean let out a wail and threw his arms around Castiel, squeezing him as hard as he could. "Jesus CHRIST, Cas! I almost fucking lost you... I felt everything you were feeling Cas. I don't know what the hell happened, but while I was sleeping someone or something came to me and was begging me to get up and stop you before you did something horrible. Then they showed me what was going to happen through your eyes. I saw it all, Cas. I saw you sneak past my room, I saw you take the gun and I... I heard all the horrible things you were saying to yourself, and not a fucking word of it was true Cas do you hear me! Not a fucking word of it! And then I saw you put that gun to your head and pull the fucking trigger and then nothing was left but silent darkness. When my eyes snapped open I was fucking terrified, Cas! I thought I was too late, I thought that I might find your body and God Cas, that would have broken me." Dean gripped Castiel as tight as he could, his chest heaving from the emotions he couldn't control anymore. Castiel couldn't get anything past his lips except for huge gasps as he tried to quell the ever flowing tears and sobs that left his body. He had almost done the unthinkable, he had done the one thing that he never wanted to do. He had hurt Dean, and he didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive him for this.

They had sat there for hours hunkered on the floor, grasping each other so tightly that their arms were beginning to ache. Dean eased up his grasp just a little and ran his hands through Castiel's hair gently before pressing his cheek against the crown of his head. He could smell the light fragrance of his shampoo and he closed his eyes as he ran his hands slowly up and down Castiel's back. The former Angel looked up at him slowly, his tears had stopped an hour before and his face was relieved of its red, puffy, blotchy look. His eyes were still sparkling from the tears, but they were somehow bluer than they had ever been and Dean had tilted his head lightly as he stared into them. "I'm not quite sure what to say, Dean. I have betrayed your trust, and have hurt you terribly. How could you ever want to look at me anymore, let alone forgive me for what I have put you through? I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't deserve it." Castiel's voice was gravelly and rough, full of shame and anguish. He looked away from Dean and his shoulders drooped in defeat. "Did you mean it, Cas?" Dean spoke quietly. Castiel looked up at him and tilted his head, confusion etched on his face. "Mean what, Dean?" He asked, voice cautious and unsure. "Did you mean it when you said that you loved me?" Dean stated bluntly. Castiel's eyes widened and his face flushed a deep red immediately, he dropped his head so that he was looking at his feet before be whispered "yes" so quietly Dean had thought maybe he had never said it at all and he was imagining it. "Say it again, Cas." Dean demanded as he grabbed the former Angel's chin and pulled his eyes up to meet his shiny Green ones. "Yes... I love you, Dean. I have loved you from the moment I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." Dean closed his eyes and shuddered, licking his lips slowly before opening his eyes and leveling Castiel with his stare.

Dean removed his hands from Castiel's back and moved them up to cup the sides of his face, they were shaking visibly. As his fingers brushed against the undersides of Castiel's eyes he leaned in slowly, his bottom lip worried between his teeth. He sucked in a small breath and pressed their lips together slowly, gently. Castiel gasped and tensed up for the briefest moment before his hands ran up Dean's back to grip his shoulders tightly. He instantly became pliant under Dean's touch. After a few minutes of their lips being pressed together Dean pulled back just enough to look Castiel in the eyes. "I want to show you how much you mean to me, Cas if you'll let me. Do you trust me?" He whispered, his lips brushing over Castiel's as he spoke gently. "Always, Dean." He answered back breathlessly. Dean smiled at him and nodded, standing up slowly and reaching down to take Castiel's hands. Dean was done hiding himself from Castiel, done letting the former Angel go on thinking that he wasn't needed or cared about. Castiel had confessed his love to Dean, and by god Dean was going to do the same for him. Almost losing his best friend made him throw out all the reservations he held within himself; Castiel deserved to be worshipped after everything he had done for Dean, and he was going to make sure that happened. Never again would Castiel have to feel like he needed to resort to ending his life, Dean was going to make sure of that and to hell with anyone who disproved of him for it. They walked unhurriedly to Dean's room, hands clasped together as Dean ran his thumb over Castiel's knuckles reassuringly. When they walked into Dean's room he closed the door gently behind them and locked it, then turned to face the former Angel. He was facing away from Dean, his head was tilted and he was looking around at Dean's room as if he was trying to memorize the placement of all of his belongings.

Dean walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, his mouth landing gently on Castiel's cheek as he placed a soft kiss there. His mouth moved to his jaw and placed another kiss there, his mouth opening up to let his tongue graze over the stubble that littered his skin. Castiel let out a low groan from the sensation and brought his hands up to lace his fingers with Dean's. Dean smiled gently and tightened his grip on Castiel as he moved his mouth lower and attached it to his neck, biting it just hard enough to leave a faint mark as his tongue came out to soothe over it. Castiel moaned louder and tightened his grip on Dean's hands. He let go and turned himself so that he was facing Dean, and ran his hands up until he was gripping his shoulder blades. He pushed up on the balls of his feet and pressed thier lips together again, this time he licked at Dean's bottom lip and Dean smirked lightly as he complied and allowed Castiel entrance to his mouth. Castiel hummed in approval as his tongue danced lightly with Dean's, and all too soon he had to break away to gasp for air as his forehead landed against Dean's. Dean smiled at the former Angel's flushed face, his eyes closed and a small smile upon his lips. Dean reached down and grabbed the hem of Castiel's shirt in his hands, pulling it up slowly. Castiel opened his eyes and raised his arms up so that Dean could remove the article of clothing from his body. When it was free from his body Dean tossed it somewhere across the room and stared down at the body in front of him. He could see the multitude of scars littering Castiel's body and it made his heart hurt. Castiel noticed what Dean was looking at and blushed deeply, his arms coming up to try and cover himself. Dean frowned and grabbed Castiel's hands, pulling them away from himself so that he couldn't hide from him. Then he reached down and lifted his own shirt from his body and Castiel sucked in a breath when he caught a glimpse of the toned chest in front of him. Dean smiled lovingly at Castiel and pulled him back in for another kiss, letting him get lost in it as he moved them slowly back to the edge of his bed. Castiel's hands were roaming restlessly all over Dean's body and he groaned in the back of his throat from the feeling. When they reached the bed Dean broke thier kiss and placed his hands on Castiel's chest, pushing him back gently until the former Angel fell onto his back, his chest heaving and a blush covering his entire body.

Dean smirked down at Castiel and reached out to grasp his pajama pants in his hands. He pulled them down and off slowly, along with the fallen Angel's boxers and he gasped when he saw that Castiel was already hard, his cock curving up to rest on his stomach with the head already leaking pre come. Dean groaned and licked his lips at the sight. He wasted no time in pulling his own pants off, leaving himself in his boxers and climbing on the bed until he was face to face with Castiel, his own clothed erection coming into contact with Castiel's and they both moaned loudly from the contact. Dean kissed Castiel more deeply than before as his hands came up to roam all over the newly human's body. He let his tongue twirl with Castiel's for a few moments before he broke the kiss and immediately attached his lips to his jaw bone, sucking over it roughly and licking over the stubble with fervor. He could feel his boxers getting tighter and tighter but he was determined to take this extremely slow. He took his time and kissed his way down Castiel's neck, leaving small marks behind as he made his way down farther. Once he reached the scars littering Castiel's body he kissed them slowly, letting his tongue come out to trace over as many of them as he could. When he looked up he could see Castiel had his eyes closed tightly, tears slowly rolling from them as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean brought his hands up to roam all over Castiel's torso as he leaned down and licked slowly over one of his nipples. Castiel arched up and gasped from the contact. When Dean closed his mouth over the other nipple and bit it gently Castiel moaned and bucked his hips sharply, trying to seek friction in any way possible. Dean smiled as he leaned down to take the other nipple into his mouth to give it the same treatment, and Castiel actually growled from the contact. Dean moaned and could feel his boxers straining against him, a wet spot appearing in them from the pre come gathering there. He kissed and sucked his way down Castiel's chest, leaving marks here and there as he went. When he reached Castiel's hip bones he laved his tongue over them both, alternating between biting them and sucking marks on them. Castiel was moaning and writhing beneath him, sweat was beginning to break out on his skin, making him shimmer in the soft light from Dean's bedside lamp.

When Dean reached Castiel's cock he gripped it gently in his hands and moved up and down it slowly a few times, causing Castiel to moan loudly and push his hips up faster to increase the friction. Dean smirked at Castiel's enthusiasm and rewarded him by giving the tip a long slow lick before closing his mouth over the head and sucking lightly as he swallowed more and more of Castiel down. Dean had never been more thankful for not having a gag reflex than in this moment, for when he took Castiel's cock in all the way to the base Castiel let out a groan that echoed off the walls and rolled his hips involuntarily. Dean moved slowly, trying to pull as many sounds as he could from Castiel. He groaned when the former Angel ran his fingers through his hair and pulled roughly, his name falling breathlessly from Castiel's lips over and over. When his own cock began to ache from lack of attention Dean pulled his lips from Castiel's twitching cock and crawled back up his body to crush his lips to the former Angel's. Castiel was gasping for breath and coated in a thin sheen of sweat, his skin tinted a gorgeous red. Dean looked into Castiel's eyes and bit his lip before asking, "Is this ok, Cas? Do you want me to keep going?" The former Angel grabbed Dean by the back of the neck and pushed their mouths together fiercly before looking up at him, pupils blown wide. "Please, Dean. I want this... I want you, I've always wanted you. Help me take the pain away." Dean nodded and kissed him again, languidly running their tongues together as he reached into his bedside table and fumbled to find his bottle of lube. He popped the lid open and slicked up a finger before running his hand between Castiel's legs and gently touching his opening, coating it with the lube before gently inserting one finger to the first knuckle inside his lover.

Castiel gasped in a breath and tightened up slightly and Dean kissed him gently as he rubbed his thigh with one hand to calm him. When he felt Castiel relax a little he pushed the finger in all the way and slowly moved it in and out of his body. Castiel moaned loudly when he realized that Dean was preparing him so that he could take his cock, and he began to move his hips up and down with every move Dean made. When he felt that Castiel was ready for more he poured a bit more lube on his fingers and added another, slowly scissoring them as he moved them in and out. Castiel gasped out his name and Dean's breath hitched when he felt his hole twitch lightly. He put a little more lube onto his third finger and added it slowly. When all three digits were fully inside of Castiel he crooked them towards the ceiling and the former Angel moaned gutterally, his back arching almost completely off the bed. Dean's mouth went dry from the sight and his cock twitched excitedly. He couldn't wait to be inside of Castiel. He gave a few more long pulls with his fingers until he was sure that his hole was properly prepared for him, and then he gently pulled his fingers free (with a groan of displeasure from Cas) and pulled himself up to kiss his Angel before popping the lid open on the lube and coating his cock with it. Once it was thoroughly coated he placed himself at Castiel's entrance and ran his fingers through his hair gripping the strands gently. He pressed his lips to Castiel's softly, running his tongue over his bottom lip and biting it slightly. When his mouth yeilded to him he slipped his tongue in slowly as he breached his lover's entrance at the same time. Castiel moaned loudly into Dean's mouth and dug his nails into the flesh of his back. Dean pushed in slowly until he was fully sheathed inside of his lover, moaning loudly at how tight Castiel was around him. "Oh God, Cas." He whispered against his lover's lips. He paused for a few moments to let his Angel adjust to him, shaking slightly from the effort. When Castiel ran his hands down his back and gripped his ass tightly Dean kissed him fervently and pulled out slowly almost all the way and pushed back in gently, both of them moaning loudly from the pleasure.

Dean moved slowly, making love gently to Castiel in a way that he had never done with anyone else, ever. Dean moved his hands to grip Castiel's thighs so that he could move them further up on his hips. The change in angle allowed Dean to slide in deeper, and he proceeded to hit his lover's prostate with every tentative thrust. Castiel was moaning, gasping, and hissing between his teeth with every hit to his prostate as his body shook from the pleasure. He was dragging his nails down Dean's back continuously and it was making Dean groan deeply in pleasure. "Christ, Cas you feel so good. God you're so tight, you're body's driving me crazy." Castiel groaned from the praises and threw his head back, baring his throat to Dean. He leaned down and licked a path up from Castiel's collar bone to his jaw bone, then biting his way back down. "Dean! Ngh, Dean... Something... Something's happening." Castiel began to babble incoherently, his back arching sharply causing Dean to slip impossibly farther inside of his heat. Dean groaned loudly and gripped Castiel's hips tightly as he started to move a little faster, plunging against Castiel's prostate with every thrust. "Oh fuck, Cas! I can feel you tightening around me, and God it feels so good. I want to feel you come around my cock, Cas. God, I love you. Come for me, Castiel." The former Angel seized up and screamed out, "Dean!" And then he was coming so hard his ears began ringing. He ripped his nails down Dean's back and shuddered all over. Dean moaned loudly as he felt Castiel tighten around him, his channel spasming erratically around him. And when Castiel raised his hand up and placed it on the mark he had left when he had pulled Dean from hell he was coming, hard, his hips stuttering and his lover's name a gasp thrown from his lips. He moved within him until Castiel stopped spasming around him and his orgasm completed. He collapsed gently on top of his lover and kissed him slowly, passionately as small moans and gasps continued to escape their mouths. "Jesus, Cas. That was so fucking good. You are so good. I love you." Castiel gripped him tightly and kissed his lips. "Dean, I love you too."

They stayed wrapped up in each other's arms for a long time not saying anything, just alternating between gently caressing each other and clinging to one another for dear life while they kissed endlessly. "Cas." Dean spoke softly as their lips separated mometarily, his voice raspy and deep. Castiel raised his head and his blue eyes locked with Dean's, the complete raw emotion of adoration and absolute love sparkling in them. "Yes, Dean." He whispered. "I want you to know that you mean everything to me. Not just something, but everything Cas. After tonight you will never have to feel like you are worthless and unworthy of anything, especially my love. I want this with you Cas, not just right now but every day from here on out. I want to touch you, and kiss you, and make love to you every single day. I should have never waited this long to show you how much worth you have. I'm sorry, Cas... I almost failed you, but I will never let you feel unloved or useless ever again I promise. I love you, and I never want to see you in pain or hurting ever again. If you ever start to feel like you can't make it anymore please, please talk to me so that I can try to help you. And if somehow I can't help you Sam will be there to help you too. You are never alone, Cas." Dean pulled him close and pressed their lips together as he sealed his promise, and Castiel could feel the tears falling from his closed eyes as Dean's proclamation of his love for him repeated in his mind over and over. "I promise I will never resort to anything like that ever again, Dean. Now that I know how you feel I could never do that to you, I love you more than anything in this universe. More than I ever loved being a cellestial being, and if I ever get to have my wings and Grace back that will still never change. I would give up anything and everything to be with you like this until the end of time. There is no one else but you, Dean. It has always been you, and it will forever be you from life until death takes me."

As Dean and Castiel lay in each other's arms proclaiming their love for one another and sealing all their promises with passionate kisses, Sam lay on his queen size bed in the Catalina Motel (a five star motel that he definitely wasn't accustomed to staying in) tangled in the sheets around a smaller body. "You are sure everything is ok back at the bunker? I haven't heard from Dean, and that makes me worry." The head laying on his chest raised up so that the caramel colored eyes could look at him intently. "I promise everything is more than ok, Sammy. I was able to alert Dean in plenty of time for him to get to Cas before anything bad happened. I was extremely worried that he wouldn't make it in enough time, and that I would have to intervene but his timing was perfect. They are both safe, and very satiated I can promise you that. I don't think there will be anymore problem's with Castiel wanting to harm himself, but you may have problems with keeping your ears from bleeding from all the fornication that will probably be taking place all over the bunker from now on." His eyes twinkled as a mischevious smirk sprung to his face. "Damnit, Gabriel!" Sam yelped out, an instant bitch face coming up on his features. "I could have lived my entire life without knowing any of that!" Gabriel smiled innocently, "Awe c'mon Samsquatch, you know it makes you more than happy to see the two people you care about the most finally happy." Sam's face relaxed and he nodded, "You're right. I am happy to see Dean and Cas finally together and happy. They definitely deserve it." Gabriel smiled, all of his teeth showing at once as he wiggled his eyebrows. "Good. Now, enough about Dean-o and Cassie. Come here and do that thing with your tongue again, lover."

**~FIN~**

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_**A/N: I had to add something to the end to lighten everything up as this was a pretty dark piece of work. Hope you enjoyed having a little glimpse of Gabriel  
in here. I thought **__**it capped off the story quite well. What do you think?**_


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